A year of change

August of 2022 marked a turning point for me. I was tired, disconnected, unsettled, and stuck, and I had been feeling this way for longer than I would like to admit. I can see now that I was being pretty hard on myself, but I believed my effectiveness in my role as a non-profit leader was decreasing, I was not setting boundaries with how I was spending my time and energy, and I wasn’t taking good care of myself. Work and life had both become exhausting and lacked joy. I was incredibly lonely and very defeated. I felt professionally stuck and I knew I needed to change something. I loved my role with Shelter House, an incredible non-profit serving households experiencing homelessness and victims of domestic violence, but I finally realized that for me to continue as a leader in this or any role, I had to take better care of myself. I had to figure out how to get my magic back. In August of 2022, I finally saw my burnout for what it was and decided it was time to do something about it.

An email that arrived on the 8th of the month caught my eye. I subscribed to The Coaching Fellowship’s (now the Women’s Impact Alliance) email listserv over 2 years before, but even to this day, the majority of their emails to me before August of 2022 are unread. I’m not sure why this particular email caught my eye but I’m so glad it did. It outlined the process to apply to participate in their “Unlock Your Leadership Program” where selected female, social impact-making Catalysts would receive professional coaching, leadership training, and peer support in the yearlong program. By the August 12th deadline, I had completed the rigorous application, including a video I had to record about myself highlighting my impact and my potential- things I struggled to fully appreciate at that moment. It forced me to put my contributions, strengths, and hopes out to the world and it got me dreaming again. In a way, The process of completing this application gave me something to look forward to. It shook me out of what I now believe was a period of depression. Which was a good thing because the next month would prove to be very difficult.

At the end of August and into September I started to have unexplained and very disruptive pain in my left arm. About a week after the pain began, I started to lose mobility in that arm and I was anxious for answers. I was seen in the ER multiple times, saw several specialists trying to get answers, and started taking various medications to ease the pain. I wore a tens unit everywhere I went. I hardly slept because of the discomfort and I wondered if I would get any answers. At one point I was told by a doctor that they were concerned I had Lymphoma and asked me to see a hematologist as soon as possible. I was terrified.

In the midst of this, I was accepted into the Coaching Fellowship Program, now the Women’s Impact Alliance (WIA). I was thrilled to be selected and was so grateful for the chance to invest in myself in this way. Not to mention, I needed a positive new endeavor to take my mind off of my health problems and this was it. My hope for the program was simple. By the end, I wanted to make an active choice about where I was and would be - I wanted to become unstuck.

Without answers, needing relief for my pain, and frankly ready to make some physical changes, I started to attend a hot yoga class 3 days per week and began making healthier choices about what I was eating. I was matched with an incredible coach through the Coaching Fellowship which was now called the Women’s Impact Alliance, and my body, mind, and soul became my priorities. I wanted to be well. Thankfully, cancer was ruled out fairly quickly and my pain started to subside. I had likely experienced nerve damage caused by a virus- possibly a strange, longer-term effect of Covid. My yoga practice was giving me increased flexibility, focus, and even the ability to let pain, both physical and psychological, come and go with my breath. I was proud of my body doing new and difficult (for me) poses with increased ease as the weeks passed. Michelle, my incredible coach was a constant during this time. She was an enormous encouragement, helping me navigate various challenges at work in a way that honored my newly revived and refined values. She helped me see things from a new perspective and to (regularly) let go of things that weren’t mine to hold. Through this work, I found a renewed direction and I began to listen to and honor my own voice again.

In November 2022, an old colleague of mine reached out with an opportunity to work with her as a subcontractor on a project her company was working on in North Carolina. I was immediately interested. With some projects at work easing up and my energy coming back, taking on this consulting role sounded like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up! The temporary 6-month contract would give me a little extra money but more importantly consulting experience and the chance to try something new.

Starting this role and trying something new turned up the volume on some of my less supportive inner voices. I realized that I had some very unflattering and greatly limiting beliefs about my skills and abilities. I had been believing a narrative that I was only good at homeless services. I was only good at working at my current company. I didn’t have transferable skills. No one would find my experience relevant. I was terrified that working with my colleague as a consultant would highlight these truths, but I trusted her judgment and I wanted so badly to try something new. My closest people were incredibly encouraging about my capabilities and I was starting to believe it myself. Through working with my coach, I realized how hard I was being on myself and how capable and experienced I actually was. She was helping me see my magic again by challenging me and cheering for me and holding space for me to see myself more clearly. I identified my internal supports and began speaking more kindly to myself. With this renewed inner strength, I said yes to the consulting job and officially became someone with a “side gig”. I realized very quickly how much I enjoyed it and how much receiving great coaching was changing my perspective.

At the start of the next year, I was fortunate enough that my company invested in a number of us to complete the Co-Active Institute’s Coach Training Program. I knew full well, having received coaching, that the experience would be amazing. And it didn’t disappoint. There is no simple, quick, or easy way to describe my experience of the 5 coach training modules through CTI, but what I will say is that it changed me. In each course, I met incredible people who, learning alongside me, delivered excellent coaching to me, but also opened themselves to be coached by me. Every single module wrecked me in a new and powerful way. I finished each course exhausted and buzzing with possibility. I learned so much and I also delivered some great coaching to my peers and even a few practice clients during the courses. Receiving this training has impacted the way I show up as a parent, supervisor, partner, and friend. And it certainly impacted my career trajectory.

With the strong likelihood of my 6-month consulting role turning into a 2-year project and with the desire to turn my coaching training and skills into a more regular part of my daily work, I wrestled with the reality that I may need to leave my role at Shelter House. Some amazing friends and family members, my coach, and a few of my CTI co-learners helped me work through some limiting beliefs about my next steps and also my fears around pursuing something that involved knowing where I needed to start but not knowing for sure how it will end. They saw me for who I was today and encouraged me to show my colors, embrace my humor, honor the strength in my tears, and change some of my internal messages to be more supportive of my growth. They created space for me to grieve what I would have to let go of to pursue the dreams of my next phase.

One of the questions my coach asked me was pivotal. I had described the possibility of leaving my role and making a change as feeling like I was about to walk off of a cliff. I wasn’t prepared to freefall and hope for a soft landing and the thought of doing so felt completely reckless. Her simple question changed my perspective. What if that cliff isn’t actually a cliff? Together, we pictured the next step as just a step. The reality was I wouldn't freefall. I had options. How would it change my perspective if I saw the cliff instead as a door to the next part of my journey? What did that door look like? What could I see if I opened the door just a little and peeked through it? What if I just stuck a toe over the threshold? What would it feel like to take just one step? The fact was, I had been taking steps toward this door for a long time and what I saw on the other side was expansive and bright. It wasn’t a question of if I would go through it, the question was when.

The day I submitted my resignation, I was nervous and impressed that the words, “I think it’s my time to go” even came out of my mouth. Leaving this place was incredibly hard. Being there made me who I was. But I was sure that leaving was the only way I could create space to become who I would be moving forward.

I’m just beginning this new journey and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. It’s scary to take the first step; to try something new; to pivot. But I can say that over the last year of this journey, every single time I question if I’m doing the right thing or taking the next best step, something happens that reiterates I’m on the right path. Most of these “signposts” have come in relationship to a connection I’ve made. A phone call or text of encouragement, an inquiry about coaching, or a request to help an organization. The other signposts have come through things I’m reading, conversations I’m having, and even just the peace I’m experiencing during this time of change.

The Laura of August 2023 is pretty different than the Laura of August 2022. Present-day me feels incredibly proud of my commitment to honor myself and to take a chance on myself. I feel healthier and more sure of who I am and what I want (and what I don’t). I’m finding it easier to calm my internal critics, let go of the opinions of external critics whose opinions don’t matter to me, and focus on what I know is true about who I am. I’m laughing more and taking myself less seriously as I remember that I’m only human. I wouldn’t be here without the coaching and encouragement I received over the last year. This reality is driving me to help others through their journeys of growth and change by providing great coaching and support.

I would love to learn more about your journey. Are you ready to pursue something new? Are limiting beliefs holding you back? Do you aspire to live a more aligned and connected life? As your coach, I want to encourage and challenge you as we work together to increase your self-awareness and self-esteem, clarify your values and beliefs, and find your magic again. If you are ready to start, contact me below! Either way, I hope you find something you resonate with in this blog post and I hope you reach out to share your takeaways!

Here’s to your next step.

Laura